The Colour of The Dress Is Merely a Pigment of Your Imagination.

Last week, the world tottered on the edge of a global crisis with potential wide-ranging disastrous effects. No, the world didn’t run out of Nutella. No, Facebook didn’t introduce a “dislike” button. No, Nicki Minaj didn’t release a new single. This was far worse.

They call it “The Dress”.

The Dress first appeared on social media at around 12:00 PM GMT on the 26th of February, which was followed by successive waves of panic that radiated from the epicentre – Tumblr – to places as far-reaching and obscure as Orkut and (you would have heard of this only if you’re adventurous and a seasoned traveller) Google+.

It was the day the Earth stood still.

They’re saying that the Dress broke the Internet. They’re wrong. It broke the fundamental human will to survive in the face of crushing adversity. It broke the age-old spirit of nations and the metaphorical camel’s back. It broke windows of old-age homes and every three-year-old’s favourite action figure and Stephen Hawking’s speech synthesizer. It broke our conception of reality as we transcended dimensions and the constraints of space and time and became acutely aware of the existence of a higher consciousness, a.k.a. Will Smith’s children, who took the road not taken with the proclamation:

Jaden

In Japan, every worker in every office stopped whatever he/ she was doing as the establishment collapsed, anarchy ruled, and sushi flew through the air. In the USA, Starbucks offered discounts to anyone who saw the Dress as blue and black and a new religion, Protestism, was developed to protest against the uncultured heretics who didn’t immediately see that the Dress was obviously gamboge. In India, programs were written to detect the exact colour of the Dress depending on the intensity of sunlight and the exact position of the sun in the sky, corrected to thirty-eight decimal places. The Russians offered The Dress a place in the Grand Russian Circus.

The Internet meanwhile, as it is prone to do, lost its mind.

Tumblr set fire to the Dress, screaming “WHAT COLOUR IS THE DRESS NOW MUAHAHA” and then running around in circles screaming “PROTECT US FROM THIS SORCERY” and “WHAT IS COLOUR?”

The supremely wise inhabitants of 9gag, on the other hand, took it upon themselves to explain the baffling phenomena, which I will summarize in five words for those of you who aren’t well versed with the nuances of the scientific method: “Such Retinas, Much Magic. Wow.”

Buzzfeed decided to take the onus of sharing their vast knowledge of Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic theories with the unschooled public by means of an extremely scientific quiz titled “What Does The Colour Of The Dress Say About Your Personality?”

Twitter became a microcosm representing a divided Internet in a divided World in a divided Universe. For the first (and possibly the last) time ever, the world identified with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West who took the website to express their sense of disillusionment with the fundamentally mutable nature of reality.

Kim

So is The Dress a symbol of irreconcilable human differences? Does this mean that nothing is ever black and white? Do I have to apologize to Michael Jackson and/or colour blind people for making that comment? Does this exterminate racism? What is political incorrectness? What is political? What is? What?

Individual differences exist in how we perceive the world. Some may see blue and black, some may see white and gold, some may see blue and black with their spectacles on and white and gold without (all credits to my mother), while some may see teal (these people probably forgot to take their medication in the morning). But in the end, for one single day, the world was able to forget about its various problems, like poverty, and swine flu, and slow wifi. New friendships were forged between Blacks-and-Blues and Whites-and-Golds. As Kim and Kanye demonstrated so kindly, we now have proof that inter-Colour love can exist and thrive. The very construct of colour has been challenged and dismantled, which means that racism will become a thing of the past and humanity finally has something other than their hatred for Starbucks employees who spell their names wrong on their venti mocha lattes, to collectively bond over.

Yes, one fairly unattractive item of clothing can prevent, and perhaps even end, a World War.

I bet Hitler’s regretting his shopping decisions now.

Screen Shot 2015-03-04 at 2.01.47 pm

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20 comments on “The Colour of The Dress Is Merely a Pigment of Your Imagination.

  1. franhunne4u says:

    And you even got a Blog-article out of that dress-event.

  2. mynuttydubai says:

    Brilliant!
    But just for the record… I saw blue and brown 😉

  3. speakingwins says:

    Lots of laughs AND I learned a new word – gamboge.

    I like what the dachshund said: “What’s the fuss? The dress is grey.”

  4. cringing says:

    Oh my god, the dress is the first internet sensation to immediately transcend to real life. I had people running up to me the day after I found out about it and going, “BLUE AND BLACK? TELL ME YOU SEE BLUE AND BLACK.” Love this post!

    • mushroomsup says:

      Hahaha thank you so much! 😀 I agree, The Dress captured the human imagination like nothing ever has done before. I almost wanted to punch people and say, “Oh look, your eye is white and gold now!”

  5. Absolutely hilarious post! Loved it 😀
    I read Buzzfeed’s educational post too.
    Why, Buzzfeed, why? I thought it couldn’t get any worse after ‘Which One of Harry Styles’ Tattoos Are You?’
    *Shakes head*

    • mushroomsup says:

      Thank you so much 🙂
      Hahahaha yes, it became even worse (I don’t even know how that’s possible) when they made a “Which runaway llama are you?” quiz (which I promptly proceeded to do, of course)

  6. technophile9 says:

    Haha not you too! I see it as white and gold normally, but when I squint it’s black and blue. My eyes are messed up. XD

    Don’t even get me started on Buzzfeed quizzes. My friend even did one on what type of bae he was. (If you’re curious, Buzzfeed says he’s a ‘Supreme bae’). http://www.buzzfeed.com/emmamariemusic/what-kind-of-bae-are-you-11sp6#.cvyBYxWWx

  7. Ramona says:

    Periwinkle blue with black brownish lace that bam in 1 second the dress switched to white and gold– then back again for the long black and blue ride home! I was one of the lucky ones! Funny article and mushrooms are good for you ‘dammit!’ Those who see truth more often then none saw the blue and black (the minority) those slightly delusional and not always in a negative way sometimes blind optimism saw gold and white (the majority) …I believe that God cannot be described so I won’t try here but God decided to take a woman’s dress leaning into a “Bride” and make a very hidden statement …for all people, women, the realities and the hopes like a ‘Vine’ Digitial media Sacrament …no boundaries exist for the God I worship! Spiritual not religious –check!!

    • mushroomsup says:

      True, true, this is just one of many trials God has sent upon mankind – we shall persevere. And yes, MUSHROOMS ARE GOOD, I’m so glad to have finally found a believer. Thank you so much!

  8. martafrant says:

    ah! at last. A funny drop of sarcasm. Thanks 🙂

  9. Priyal says:

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha

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