Two Years a Blogger: Lessons Learnt (Alternatively, the “I Still Have a Blog” Speech)

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for blogging in the history of our nation.

Two years ago, Mushroom Sup, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, successfully clicked on the “Create A Blog” button on WordPress. This presented Problem Number One, which she had never anticipated: what to post? Banging her fist on the keyboard repeatedly for 53 minutes did not produce the results she had hoped for, so she adopted a different strategy: writing a post using only the “w” key, and the “increase brightness” key.

Lesson #1: When the closest you come to being a writer is Writer’s Block: More often than not, I’ve sat down at my laptop with no idea what to write about. The Lucky Ones have inspiration at their disposal, but me, panic is more my thing (“I can’t let this blog die. Where else will I get notifications telling me that I’m pretty awesome?”). My first go-to is to think of random words. Socks. What’s up with socks, right? Warm and smelly. What else is smelly? What are my opinions on body odor? The train of thought is slow, and it breaks down a lot (“I should go out and buy a new deodorant, I don’t want to smell like socks”) but it gets there eventually. Conversely, I think of the last good, bad, funny, horrific or mildly emotional experience that I had and blow it out of proportion. Or I look at the news (same thing). Anyway, I try to be funny by forming a strong opinion on the chosen experience/ news article and defending it till I’m blue in the face, using fabricated facts and words that I don’t know the meaning of. If you don’t want to write humor, you could do the same thing but with real facts and real words (thank me later).

It worked. Mushroom Sup conclusively proved the Infinite Monkey Theorem, and what she produced was even better than the complete works of William Shakespeare. It actually made sense. Relatively speaking. The only problem was, it was just as long as his works, too.

Lesson #2: A Blog is Not a Book: Brevity is virtue. Short Sentences. Short Posts. Long posts = bored people (apologies for generalization). DOWN WITH DEFINITE ARTICLES.

As her devoted fan base grew wider to include spammers, in addition to her mother, she grew braver. Post by post, slowly but surely, she expanded her horizons. One year later, she had written a post using all – ALL – 26 letters of the alphabet, numbers from 1 to 7 and the “mute” key. This was a genius move. She achieved every blogger’s dream: REAL-PEOPLE-FOLLOWERS.

Lesson #3: We are Family: I am privileged to be part of this beautiful WordPress community. I want to read, like and comment on every post in my sundry Reader but I always fall short of this. I’ve made up my mind to consciously make time to read and like posts from the magnificent blogs I follow. Additionally, other blogs are a wonderful place to find that much-needed inspiration (I promise I’m not advocating plagiarism).

But even though Mushroom Sup’s name is Mushroom Sup, it wasn’t all highs. The only other thing Mushroom Sup had been able to sustain over a period of two years was bad grades in Math. Like in Math, she often considered giving up. Moments of existentialism, desperation and hunger overcame her as she thought to herself, “Why am I doing this when I could be eating a donut instead?”

Lesson #4: Keep at it: You’ll have dry spells. There’ll be days, especially in the beginning, when your ego reserve is as empty as your inbox. But never stop. Love what your write. Be in love with what you write. Nobody laughs at my own posts more than me – my mother has pointed this out many times. And one day, who knows, you’ll be Freshly Pressed, and you’ll be Meryl Streep.

And this, dear friends, countrymen and lend-me-your-ears, is what Mushroom Sup learnt in her miraculous journey from amateur (and immature) blogger to the great beacon light of hope to millions of WordPress spammers.

I am the joyous daybreak to end your long night of captivity.

Good morning.


19 comments on “Two Years a Blogger: Lessons Learnt (Alternatively, the “I Still Have a Blog” Speech)

  1. You have learned well, Grasshopper…

  2. […] Two Years a Blogger: Lessons Learnt (Alternatively, the “I Still Have a Blog” Speech). […]

  3. Vikar says:

    Your writing is commendable. I wouldn’t say I laughed.I do connect with you in totality when you mention your mom told you laughed more than anybody at your own posts. Still, I didn’t laugh. Not because you were not funny enough. But because, I could almost sap your musings and make them my own, as i read through.
    Or so I think.
    Wait! I’m being boring.(“Tell me a time when you are not”, my best friend is like.).
    Brevity. Is. The. Key.
    It definitely IS amazing to be part of the community.
    Happy Blogging!
    Promotional sentence: Pay me a visit. But only if you feel like.;):P

    • mushroomsup says:

      Thank you so much! You’re certainly not being boring, I’m really glad that you could relate to the post 🙂 Happy blogging to you too, and I will definitely pay you a visit. I’d love to read your blog!

  4. Murr says:

    Lawd yes. The panic is real….the dry spells are long! Thanks for the inspiration!

  5. KJ says:

    I’m new here, slowly getting the hang of things. This post has given me the juice (JUICE!) I needed to keep me going for a while.

    Maybe one day I’ll be Freshly Pressed and be Marlon Brando.
    Did I do that right?

    • mushroomsup says:

      No one could have done it better :’) If I could bestow Freshly Pressed badges, I’d give you fifty-three for that pun. Keep up the amazing work, almost-Marlon-Brando 😉

      • KJ says:

        I really needed this post, especially lesson #4. Your timing couldn’t have been better.
        Let me explain: I was almost about to give up on this whole blogging thing because it was taking up my time reserved for other things and wasn’t generating the results I expected. Then I read this post and decided to take things slowly and just keep doing it because I like it. A few days ago, I was finally noticed by some people whose attention I couldn’t have dreamt of attracting.

        I’m in tears, Mushroom Sup. May Jeebus give you the strength to keep this up
        You are my hero

      • KJ says:

        I might have been high/drunk off euphoria (or something of the sort) when i posted that last comment. It looks fishy now. Feel free to delete it if you find it fishy as well
        P.S.: you’re still my hero

      • mushroomsup says:

        Fishy? More like delightfully refreshing. You actually remind me of someone I know – he is absolutely hilarious, mostly under influence (although euphoria is not necessarily his stimulant of choice)

      • KJ says:

        I’m glad to hear that
        under the influence, eh? there’s always one of those

  6. I loved this post. My nose did not.
    Kombucha should never come out of a person’s nose.

    • mushroomsup says:

      I’m very very glad that my post was able to assist in the detoxification of your nostrils.
      (Not that your nostrils need detoxifying)
      (Your nose is perfect the way it is)
      (I think what I’m trying to say is thank you so much, I’m really glad you liked the post)
      (Also, sorry)

  7. somniumhodie says:

    I have just started out with a Blog and this post was me a week ago (well 5 minutes ago really). 😀
    Really interesting reading which I could relate and gave me the inspiration to keep on……Thanks 😀

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