And the awards go to [drumroll, please]…Mushroom Sup, for Funny for Nothing!
[Audience starts clapping]
Mushroom Sup: Wow, oh wow…I feel humbled. This is absolutely amazing. I can’t believe it! I never thought that I would win this….
[Removes list from pocket and unrolls it]
Mushroom Sup: I would like to start by thanking my…
[Music starts playing]
Mushroom Sup: What? But I haven’t even begun to thank….
[Music gets louder]
Mushroom Sup: Wait! Stop the music! I have to…
[Security arrives and drags Mushroom Sup off the stage]
Mushroom Sup: This is a conspiracy! Curse you, Meryl! _____________________________
Okay, since (an envious) Meryl Streep has obviously paid the Oscars to stop my ‘Thank you speech’ mid-way, I’m going to have to be content with delivering it here.
And since this is my own blog, nobody can stop me.
In your face, Meryl.
So, I would like to begin by thanking My Nutty Dubai for so kindly nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award, the Most Creative Blogger Award, the Reader Appreciation Award and the Semper Fidelis. I have no idea what ‘Semper Fidelis’ means, but I’ll accept it without protest because it’ll sound cool if I use it in an argument (“You’re wrong!” “I can’t be wrong because I’ve won a Semper Fidelis award and you haven’t! Ha!”).
Anyway, I urge you to read My Nutty Dubai’s blog. She writes beautifully, and she’s got some awesome photographs.
The second person I would like to thank is Gabbi at Veggie Girl Life. She’s nominated me for ze Liebster Avard. Leibster is a German word which means, apparently, ‘dearest, sweetest, kindest, nicest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, welcome, and sweetheart’. Gabbi is liebster. Go read her blog. It’s amazing.
Okay, so let’s get down to business. I don’t think there are any set rules for the Versatile Blogger Award, the Most Creative Blogger Award, the Reader Appreciation Award and the Semper Fidelis, so I’ll just nominate eleven bloggers for these awards (I’m nominating the same bloggers for the Leibster Award too, so congratulations to the nominees! You now have five new awards!)
Here are my nominees for the awards:
6. One post
10. It’s a Mis-Fit
For the Liebster award, I have to list eleven random facts about myself, answer the eleven questions Gabbi has asked her nominees, and list eleven questions for my nominees to answer.
Eleven random facts about me:
1. When I laugh, I laugh silently, so it seems as if I can’t breathe and I’m gasping for air. People ask if I’m alright. I laugh even harder. It’s a vicious cycle. Also, I laugh at the most inappropriate times. Everything becomes funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh.
2. My favourite quote is “Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, but I’m not so sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein.
3. I have a terrible habit of chewing everything within reach. My hair, my pen, my toenails. The last one is a joke. Sorry if that scared you.
I’m not weird. Honestly.
4. Nobody ever laughs at my jokes. Well, maybe my mother does. Sometimes. Occasionally.
5. I’ve been told I nod too much. I blame all those years of watching Noddy.
I just realized that I was nodding to myself as I typed that out.
I’m doing it again.
6. Once again, I have a history essay due, and I’m writing this post instead. It seems I’m falling into a pattern.
P.S. This one’s about Stalin. I know a little more about him than I knew about Nikita Khrushchev, though. I know for a fact that Stalin wasn’t a woman.
7. I eat tic-tacs when I’m bored. Orange is the best [sic].
8. I don’t know what ‘sic’ means, but I like the fact that it’s a word with an attitude, so I use it whenever I can.
9. My favourite French phrase is ‘Je n’ai sais quoi’. It’s…I don’t know what. Literally. (If you don’t get it, Google it.)
10. I have a terrible spatial ability, and I can’t judge distances. I often walk into walls.
11. I have a terrible memory, but I can memorize text very well. I think there’s some sort of psychological explanation for this, but I don’t remember what it is.
Now I’ll answer Gabbi’s questions:
1. What is your life philosophy? Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader.
2. What is the first thing you do when you get up in the morning? I stumble around blindly looking for a newspaper. Or rather, a tabloid.
3. Who is your favorite artist? I’m not big on art, but because of the Bean movie, I really like Whistler’s Mother. So I guess Whistler would be my favourite artist.
4. Other than you, who do you love the most? My spammers.
5. If you could change one thing in the world, what would that be? I would make dark chocolate grow on trees.
6. What keeps you motivated? On WordPress? Again, my spammers.
7. What is your favorite book or work of art? My Family and Other Animals, by Gerald Durrell.
8. Why do you write? Because there’s nothing I like doing better.
9. What is your favorite food? Chocolate and spaghetti. But not together.
10. What dreams do you have/are you working on? I want to learn how to whistle. Not exactly a dream, but an aspiration.
11. What is your favorite place to be? At my computer, writing this blog.
And these are my questions to my nominees (Don’t worry; you’re not obliged to answer them):
1. If you had to think of another name for your blog, what would it be?
2. What’s your favourite quote/ saying?
3. What’s the worst joke you’ve made/ heard?
4. What’s your favourite television show?
5. Describe yourself in one word.
6. Do you have an object that you consider to be your lucky charm?
7. Which type of chocolate is best: white, milk or dark?
8. What’s the best non-fiction book you’ve read?
9. What’s your favourite word?
10. Are you philosophical person?
11. What’s the capital of Greenland?